akrish

I just figured it out: the reason why I can never get any work done at home (at my family’s home, not my college home… that would be really bad) anymore.

It’s not that I interact with my family so much that I don’t have time to do anything. I do interact with my family, but when I’m at school I spend a lot of time with my friends. And it’s not that I mentally shut down when at home, taking the time to relax rather than think about anything. I have tons of stuff that I’d like to do, I’m just not able to do it.

The reason is that there are so many distractions at home that I can’t focus on anything for a decent period of time. I’m not talking about distractions that I’m really interested in; things like my friends wanting to hang out, etc. I’m talking about my parents talking, cooking, people coming over, the phone ringing… distractions that don’t affect me in any way whatsoever, expect that they kill my focus.

And it’s not that it just prevents me from doing work, these distractions prevent me from doing pretty much anything remotely intellectual at all. Take just now, I was reading a book (or trying to read it) and in the study my dad was on the phone, in the kitchen my mom was not only talking to my grandmother, but also cleaning up after dinner. Her phone went off and she started talking, and since I’m sitting in between these two rooms, I can’t help but pick up these conversations and lose focus on my reading.

Usually, when I’m at school, I tend to do a lot of my work (except reading) to music, which in some senses is similar to this kind of distraction. But for some reason talking always completely ruins me. It’s why I liked having a single last year, it’s why I don’t like studying with other people or in the library. And I finally realized that it’s why I am completely unproductive at home. I can’t stand when other people are talking, moving around, or doing other stuff while I’m trying to focus/study/think.

I think this is partly why teenagers learn to stay up so late in high school. They get distracted by whatever is going on at home until everyone goes to sleep, and then they start studying. Kind of reminds me of this xkcd comic. But I’m in the habit of going to be pretty early, so after my parents go to bed, I’m usually pretty tired and go to bed around an hour later. That doesn’t give me enough time to really get anything done.

Another part of the problem is that I don’t use my room when I’m at home. Aside from actually sleeping, I live in the family room, so although there is a space for me to go when I want it to be quiet, I don’t usually go there. I guess I should start taking advantage of this more, although the room does share a wall with the kitchen and I can always hear whatever is going on in there. I’ll try getting work done in there, but I have my doubts as to how successful I’ll be.

I wrote about this same problem earlier, but then the problem was very different I think. Now I find that I’m very motivated, and have tons of things that I’d like to do, but am too distracted to actually do them. And if you read that article, I mention that my freshman year I was much more productive at home, but now I can’t see how that was even possible. There’s so much going on in my house all the time (my parents wake up at like 5 and go to bed around 11) that it’s just impossible to find a good time to be productive.

I guess all the stuff I want to do will be backlogged until I get back to school…

So I think I’ve mentioned a couple of times that I had extravagant plans for this holiday break, but I’ve never really made clear what exactly I wanted to do. Saying that break is about half way done, I figured I’m not too late to actually do this. Plus I think it’ll actually inspire me to get to work because I haven’t exactly been as productive as I’d like. Really quickly, what I wanted to do was, build a good back-end for this company that I’m starting with a couple of friends, play a lot of guitar, run a lot, and of course spend time with my high school friends and my family. Of these, I think the things I’ve only actually feel accomplished in the guitar-playing and the socializing aspects. Of course I’m really happy about this and I’m more enthusiastic about music than I think I’ve ever been before, but I do want to get some of my work done.

My brother and I are always talking about how we can never get any work done when we’re at home and I probably should have realized this and not planned so much for the break, but for some reason I thought I’d be a lot more motivated than I actually am. It’s strange because last year I used to come home to finish my problem sets and get all of my serious work done (I had a harder to working in the dorms than at home) but this year it’s exactly the opposite. I find that I’m really productive when I’m at school but am exactly the opposite at home. Granted this state of affairs is better; I probably shouldn’t find it hard to work when I’m at school right?  Be that as it may, I’d like to get a little bit of my work done and it just isn’t happening; there are way to many distractions at home.

Actually I find that I don’t really have the motivation to do anything when I’m home. I pretty much sit around, play guitar, and watch tv (often at the same time). I also sleep a LOT (like 12 hours a day… seriously). I haven’t really been running because I’m waking up too late. I always seem to have plans for lunch or something, and I pretty much wake up just to make it to lunch so there isn’t time to run before that. Running later in the day is almost impossible and I don’t even try anymore. So this break is definitely a break. I’ve completely unwound from the stressed and pressures of finals and will soon begin to prepare myself for another intense semester (probably by sleeping and playing guitar. Go figure).

The one thing I have been doing a lot (that I’m really happy about) is practicing clarinet. I really want to get into wind ensemble next year and that’s really motivating me to prepare my audition. I’m definitely noticing improvement, and incidentally so is my mom who often listens to me practice. I’ve got a couple more weeks to perfect this Concerto I’m working on and I’m pretty confident that I’ll have a successful audition.

So I have two more weeks before school starts and I’m hopeful that I’ll get into a groove with running, working and music now that most of my friends have gone back to school and my parents are back to work.

When most people (at least many college students) think of time management, they think of procrastination, of wasted time, and of all the tasks that could have and should have finished. It’s not uncommon for people to put things off for tomorrow (i.e. put them off until the deadline) because there is some more pressing thing that needs to be taken care of (read: watching TV). For me, time management is a little different.

When I think about managing my time, I think not about putting things off, but about taking on too much. I think about how there’s absolutely no way I can finish all the things I wanted to do, regardless of how efficient I am. I think about how I push myself too hard for several days, and then all of a sudden I’ll need a couple of days of doing nothing just to recover. My problem isn’t that I waste too much time, it’s that I expect too much out of myself.

Early in the summer, my brother advised me to set my goals high, and then strive to meet them. This is pretty sound advice, except when you set your goals so high that you never meet them. It becomes really hard to keep doing this, because you never get the sense of accomplishment that comes with meeting your goals. I’m almost sure that I’ve set my goals too high, and that combined with having too many goals has really started to wear me out. I can meet each of the goals individually, but when I’m trying to work on all of them at once, it’s seemingly impossible.

My problem has always been that my interests are too diversified. It’s been that way for as long as I can remember, but now that I’m trying to excel in all of my interests, I’m having serious time management issues. In high school, I was juggling athletics, music, academics, and my social life. I’m still trying to juggle all of those things, just each one has become a lot more intense. Rather than just play soccer a couple times a week, I now want to be exercising a couple of times a day. Musically, I’ve added an instrument that I want to master in the guitar, but I still want to increase my proficiency on the clarinet. And academically, not only am I a full time student, but I also have all these side projects to work on. With all of these things taking high priority, it’s pretty obvious why I don’t have a lot of free time.

My mom commented yesterday that I’m always on the go, always doing something. I guess that means that I don’t waste a lot of time, and in that sense, I manage my time pretty well. I have a general plan for each day, and I try my best to go with that plan and do all the things I set out to do. Unfortunately, it’s really discouraging when you physically cannot do all the things you set out to do, and you never get the sense of accomplishment that comes with it. After awhile, things start to seem futile and it becomes harder to motivate myself each morning. Sooner or later, something, either my insatiable desire to push myself or my will power, is going to give.

Ultimately the solution is to cut back on my interests, focus on a couple of things and do those really well. The second option is to decrease the intensity of my goals, and strive for mediocrity over a wide range of interests. Certainly the first option seems better, but I’m not ready to give up on the things that I love. When I’ve been playing music for so many years, I’m very hesitant to throw away all of the time, money, and effort I’ve spent on it to focus on school or athletics. At the same time, I won’t be able to keep up this high intensity across all of my interests for very long. Hopefully when school starts, I’ll find a balance that I can maintain for the next year or so.